Welcome to Blehzcast, Episode One. Material from this episode were taken primarily from Blizzcast Episode Three and is an attempt to make fun of it. Characters portrayed are done so to try and mock the real life people from Blizzard. Please visit Mock Mock.ca for more details.
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Interview 1 |
Starring: Joe Iachetta as Jason aka JerseyGirl35 Geoff Medwid as Fat Jack Junior |
| Jason | What’s up, everyone. Welcome to our premiere episode of Blehzcast where we take you behind the scenes in the the world of Bleh. I’m your host Jason but you might recognize me on the boards as ‘JerseyGirl35′. Thank you for the wonderful pictures, by the way. I certainly won’t be posting them to the something awful forums later on. Today on the program, we have an exciting lineup of Bleh developers such as Fat Jack Junior who will give you details on the evolution of the Space Battle series. Following, Jett will be by to give us an update on the making of the award winning time sink World of BoredCrap at Bleh Entertainment. Last and certainly least, we’ll have a Q and A session with our devs. First up, we have Fat Jack. Welcome to the program, fatty. |
| Fat Jack Junior | That’s not my name, Jason. You know it’s not. |
| Jason | But that’s what it says on my card. |
| Fat Jack Junior | You printed those up yourself. |
| Jason | It’s also what it says on your employee badge right there. |
| Fat Jack Junior | What the.. THOSE FIENDS ! I knew those HR people were jealous of me. |
| Jason | Let’s get to the questions, shall we ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | By all means. |
| Jason | We’ve got a lot of media critics both applauding us and condoning us for the similarities between Space Battle 1 and Space Battle 2. |
| Fat Jack Junior | Blasphemy ! It was completely different. Why, I myself reabsconded all the blue army men to reflect the change. |
| Jason | And how did you reflect the change ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | They used to be red. |
| Jason | Did you do similar changes when working on Space Battle 3 ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | I did and more. I spent many long hours in the dark working on the queen. Yes, the queen is my masterpiece. No longer will she be just an accessory that the players will toy with but a force with whom to be reckoned. Right now, she isn’t ready for the rest of the world. Not yet. |
| Jason | There’s more design to be done ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | You fool. She is perfect. She has been from the moment I laid my hands all over her smooth, incredible body. I just have two tickets for the show and I need to use them up. |
| Jason | You are talking aboot a video game character here, right ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | You poor simpleton. |
| Jason | That explains this huge bill for porn sites. |
| Fat Jack Junior | It was research. |
| Jason | Why don’t you just get it for free like everyone else ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | Quality, you have to pay for. Like my queen. Do you have any money I can borrow, by the way ? |
| Jason | Not a chance. |
| Fat Jack Junior | Curse you ! |
| Jason | Have you actually played this game that you’re making ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | Played ? Pfft ! I don’t play games. That’s not my job. I merely design everything that happens inside the universe of this game. |
| Jason | But you don’t play it ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | Absolutely not. That’s what we hire the Mexicans for. |
| Jason | Mexicans ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | Of course. As Canadians, we have no one else we could outsource this to that wouldn’t ask for more money and benefits than we currently get. |
| Jason | I see. |
| Fat Jack Junior | I suppose if we really got desperate, we could hire Americans. |
| Jason | And the testers haven’t found anything wrong with it ? |
| Fat Jack Junior | Not a single thing… that I know of, anyway. I don’t think anyone here speaks Mexican but that’s besides the point. |
| Jason | I don’t know if we have anyone that speaks American either. |
| Fat Jack Junior | Good point. Now, if you’ll let me, I’d like to go over the 300 page dissertation on the power of the Queen and how it will effect the lunch boxes that our marketing team are eventually going to have to make to compensate with the growing need of- |
| Jason | And that’s all the time we have for this segment. Thanks a lot for stopping by, Fatty. |
| Fat Jack Junior | Do I get my candybar yet ? We agreed I got paid a candy bar for this. |
| Jason | Yes, just.. please go. |
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Interview 2 |
Starring: Geoff Medwid as Borash aka Ben Nathan Houghton as Jett Craftsman |
| Borash | Hello everybody. This is Borash here from the World of BoredCrap community team. We’re here at segment 2 and we’re going to be interviewing one of the lead designers, Jett Craftsman. He is here to talk to us aboot designing dungeons for the World of BoredCrap original, the first expansion “The Warmish Jaunt” and it’s upcoming expansion “Rash of the Bit’ching”. I’m sure he’ll be able to explain what goes on with that. Jett, welcome. |
| Jett | It’s great to be back, Ben. |
| Borash | It’s not Ben, it’s Borash. |
| Jett | Oh, right, you’re a gnome mage, right ? |
| Borash | A dwarf paladin. |
| Jett | I’m gonna need another holy avenger for this interview, if you know what I mean. |
| Borash | To start us off, how did the design of dungeons evolve from the original World of BoredCrap to it’s first expansion, the Warmish Jaunt ? |
| Jett | Well, I think we learned a lot of really good lessons from our players during the first year of the game’s release. Like, I learned that I can totally charge lots of money so I can afford a new ferrari. Like, that’s totally cool. |
| Borash | It’d be cooler if you let me ride with you. |
| Jett | I let you ride in the trunk that one time. |
| Borash | That’s true. That is a nice trunk. Ah, what have you learned from the game, though, that you were able to apply to the expansion and to future expansions ? |
| Jett | I know we were a bit too hardcore early on, you know ? Like you can’t just freebase right off the hooker’s thigh when you’re only level 12. You gotta toke a couple with your bro’s first then maybe even hit the champaign room to seal the deal. |
| Borash | I don’t have any idea what you mean. |
| Jett | And that’s why you ride in the trunk. |
| Borash | The original World of BoredCrap had dungeons where you needed up to 40 people to complete. Was there a reason you decided to shrink that ? |
| Jett | We considered that our lead demographic was a bunch of nerds who do nothing but make us money and eat cheesies, so we tried to compensate for them. |
| Borash | By shrinking the size ? |
| Jett | We figure that one or two might have the social skills to ask complete strangers to go through a dungeon but the majority are way too isolated in their own heads to be able to grasp a concept of a social skill or even have more than 2 friends to ask. |
| Borash | You also introduced a difficulty level ? |
| Jett | Yeah. We have 2 tiers of players, really. Ones that just go on once in a while and occasionally play the game and the others- |
| Borash | Like me. |
| Jett | Exactly like you. The ones who take it too far and let it envelop their lives to the point where they barely have any form of ego left in their head from their former personality. |
| Borash | That’s not a nice thing to say. Lightning bolt ! |
| Jett | Ow, you just hit me in the head with a hacky sack, you freak. And paladins can’t cast lightning bolt. |
| Borash | I meant Holy Strike ? |
| Jett | You’re such a dweeb. |
| Borash | Do you want to explain the difference between the difficulties ? |
| Jett | Yeah, one’s easy and one’s hard. It’s a video game. You need shit like that. |
| Borash | What aboot complaints that people say that it takes too long to get the new patches oot to people for new content ? |
| Jett | What people have to understand is that we’re just giving this away for free, right ? Aside from their monthly fee, the character transfer fees for moving your character to a new realm when you actually find a friend who actually wants to play with you and the fee for all the gold you’re buying from china since it’s near impossible to actually make any for your own. Aside from all that, the game is free, right. You can’t rush stuff like this, so people just need to suck it up and be ready for another long wait. |
| Borash | Are there any chances that there might be something innovative like timed events in the harder difficulty dungeons ? |
| Jett | No. Pfft. No. See, this is why you’re not a developer. You don’t put different things in the dungeon when you change it to harder difficulty. It just means that you need to use eight attacks instead of four with most of the monsters. |
| Borash | What aboot the dungeons that are getting revamped for the new expansion Rash of the Bit’ching ? |
| Jett | What we’re basically doing there is making all the monsters take at least twelve hits, so automatically you know it’s gonna be really tough. Also, there are certain encounters like the Three Musketmen which people used to avoid because it was just so annoying and bothersome. |
| Borash | It’d probably be smart to just lose that and make something new. |
| Jett | Are you kidding ? I’m highlighting that, hitting control ‘C’ and control ‘P’ing all over the rest of the expansion. |
| Borash | That’s actually what the prerelease reviews are saying already. |
| Jett | Dude ! Awesome ! |
| Borash | Is there any final insight you can give us into the new expansion Rash of the Bit’ching before we wrap it up ? |
| Jett | There’s going to be a lot of new disease effects. |
| Borash | Disease effects ? |
| Jett | Yeah. This rash is going to spread, baby. It’ll spread faster than anyone who slept with Community Care’s Jolinda at last year’s xmas party. |
| Borash | We’re now tossing it over to my fiancé and community care specialist Jolinda for the Q and A session with the developers. |
| Jett | Dude ! Sorry. Get tested, okay ? |
Top | Interview 1 | Interview 2 | Interview 3 | Bottom
Interview 3 |
Starring: Elizabeth Cloidt as Jolinda Treeberry aka Jennifer Tim King as Darryl Wilson |
| Jolinda | NO. No. Look, nothing happened. Maybe because he’s an immature little weasel ? What ? I don’t know. It’s just a cream, alright ? Just… I got to go.
Jolinda Treeberry here from the community care team ready to bring you the quickest and most concise answers from the developers directly to you. We welcome now our vice president of games, Darryl Wilson. Darryl. |
| Darryl | Thank you, Jennifer. I mean, Jolinda. My appologies. |
| Jolinda | No worries. Before we start, is there anything you’d like to say to our audience ? |
| Darryl | Aside from a hello and a thank you for purchasing our lovely Bleh games here at Bleh Entertainment, nothing really. |
| Jolinda | Our first question comes from Mickey of Illinois. Do you have a favourite commercial that you have ? I know mine. What aboot yours ? |
| Darryl | Definitely the one where the dog tries to follow the chuck wagon. I never did see the end of that. Will he ever catch that chuck wagon, I wonder ? It’s kind of a metaphor for life. |
| Jolinda | That’s good, Darryl, but I think he means which one of our commercials do you like the best. |
| Darryl | Oh, right. Then I’d have to go for the one with the midg- |
| Jolinda | The small person. You mean the small person. |
| Darryl | Whatever you call them, they certainly are weird looking. |
| Jolinda | Moving on. |
| Darryl | I think he stole my wallet, you know ? |
| Jolinda | Our next question- |
| Darryl | I miss him, you know. Not many people could out drink me. |
| Jolinda | Our next question is from a HotBod57 who must be from our forums. It reads, Hey babe, what kind of panties are you wearing ? What the- |
| Darryl | Ah, here we go. |
| Jolinda | Of all the insensitive, pig like questions. Who screened these ? |
| Darryl | Young lady, please calm down. |
| Jolinda | Just because I’m a pur-plelf huntress with her own leather set does not give anyone the right- |
| Darryl | Young lady, please. |
| Jolinda | It’s just that this is the most degrading of questions that anyone could have come up with. |
| Darryl | I know, but sometimes you have to cater to the fans. |
| Jolinda | You’re not serious. |
| Darryl | I am, indeed. I’ll have you know that it’s Wednesday which makes it the third day of the week, correct ? |
| Jolinda | Yes, that’s correct, but- |
| Darryl | Which means, young man from the forums, to answer your question, they’re on inside out, but facing forwards. |
| Jolinda | What are ? |
| Darryl | My panties, of course. |
| Jolinda | Oh god. |
| Darryl | Now now, don’t get excited. |
| Jolinda | Mr Wilson, I’m pretty certain that the question was directed to me. |
| Darryl | Really, young lady ? I don’t see me interviewing you for Bleh Entertainment. Do you ? |
| Jolinda | I suppose not. |
| Darryl | There you go. |
| Jolinda | Mr Wilson ? What happens on friday ? |
| Darryl | What do you mean ? |
| Jolinda | If Wednesday is inverted and forwards- |
| Darryl | You don’t really want to know. Shall we move on ? |
| Jolinda | God yes. Our next question is from BlargusMonstrocity89. It goes, ‘How difficult is it to incorporate the lore into the video game and the rest of the merchandise ?’ |
| Darryl | It’s actually very difficult, Blargus. Very difficult indeed. It’s why for the first release of the World of BoredCrap, we didn’t do any of that. |
| Jolinda | I remember that. It was mostly just hack and slash against the Edroh who were much weaker than the Allies. |
| Darryl | Back before the developers had their meeting and decided on having a vision. |
| Jolinda | A vision ? |
| Darryl | Well, so many other massive online games said they had one, so our lead developers wanted one too. Didn’t want to be left out, you see. So, they ingested a lot of peyote. |
| Jolinda | But, isn’t that illegal ? And dangerous ? |
| Darryl | Probably, but luckily we’re in Canada. If we were caught- |
| Jolinda | Just offer some to the nice policemen. That’s what is says on page 152 of the employee’s handbook. |
| Darryl | Right you are. After they had their vision thing, they started giving it a story. Suddenly, there was a new direction. |
| Jolinda | Which lead to the addons and new expansions ? |
| Darryl | No, it lead to Mexico. Apparently, they needed more peyote. |
| Jolinda | But eventually they started incorporating lore into the game, right ? |
| Darryl | I suppose, yes. I don’t know. I don’t pay too much attention to it. |
| Jolinda | But the award winning stories ! The novels ! The audio books ! |
| Darryl | Translated from Mexican. Great country to outsource to. |
| Jolinda | Then, everything that went behind my pur-pelf huntress and her wildabeast Schmenky. Is all that a lie ? |
| Darryl | No, mitten. The story- HER story was in you from the start. You just needed something to bring it oot. That’s the magic of a drug induced journey or even riding the coattails of one. |
| Jolinda | Gee, Mr Wilson, that all seems pretty far fetched. |
| Darryl | Tell you what. You get your boots on and we’ll head out on my private plane. |
| Jolinda | Where are we headed ? |
| Darryl | On a quest to get a vision of our own. At the very least it’ll take your mind off of the rest of today. |
| Jolinda | Will I get experience points from this adventure ? |
| Darryl | Only if you bring that leather set you were talking aboot earlier. |
